The Girl Child And Sex! When African Mothers Make Mistakes.

African Mothers are out-and-out disciplinarians. They can beat sense into a Child's brain in a flash.An average African Child knows the whereabouts of a particular rod specially contrived to romance his/her body at the slightest provocation. Beautiful enough, a black skinned child becomes a practical psychologist at a very tender age.He/she makes no faux pas in decoding mother's eyes movement. When an African Mother coughs, she's likely passing a message her children understand. A girl reading my write-up should remember how her mum would hit the ground, with her leg, in a gathering just to make a sound that would let her know she wasn't sitting properly, as she was expected to sit in a way that would not alter the dark of her privates. I would necessarily google my mother's eyes to seek approval before passing the hat on anything offered by a stranger. If not, the delicacy of the candy or sweetmeat would not be a match to the pains my body would suffer from my mum's slaps.Oh! African Mothers condone no-nonsense, it is only those children who practiced peanut stealing at their tender ages that can explain. After being beaten like he/she is disgusting, a child who steals would still be made to go hungry for hours, all in the quest to make him/her see reasons not to cozen anylonger. In my continent, parents teach their children, how to talk in public, how to dress modestly, how not to be gluttonous, how to relate with elders, how to eat without turning the plate into a drum, how to greet, how to cook, how to wake up early, how to read for exams, how to be orderly and well behaved, how to run errands without hesitation, how to pray and so many how tos, but won't cram them with how to fall in love without breaking bones, how to deal with sexual urges, how s*x feels, how to relate with the opposite s*x and the Natural and artificial birth controls and/or protections. So, since the failure to plan is a good plan to fail, who teaches African ladies the rudiments of s*x and the different styles they explore in bed? Their mothers! How? The next paragrah!

When a s*x nine-to-fiver(Olosho) is your guest for business, if you can convince her, she would prepare a very delicious meal that you would not want to exhaust in a giffee, she learnt it from her mum. Little wonder, a s*x worker who is visiting for s*x would still sit properly with her laps closed, she learnt that too from her mum. Don't be surprised, if a prostitute wakes you up in the morning with, "let us pray." Not her fault, she had learnt it from her parents and it's already part of her. Some Ladies were in Ekiti for the most recently conducted Jamb exams, some of my friends hooked them up and the rest is history. One of my friends complained of how one of the girls almost killed him with feeding the kitty. The question is: From where did those young ladies learn those bed smarts? Seriously, their mothers caused it in the least!

An average African Mother recites to her daughter(s) to run away from boys. She tells her children how boys could be dangerous, how the only good a boy can offer is to impregnate ladies and dump them. She only teaches her daughters how s*x is a sin. Some even cage their females as much as possible, while some would threaten fire and brimstone if they ever see their daughters with boys. Many grown up African Women would even gossip their neighbours' daughters found gamboling with males, they call such girls names and treat them with disdain and contempt, but, unfortunately, the realities of life is not favourable to such disciplines. It happens that a girl programmed to stay away from boys shares space with an opposite s*x in the classroom and are forced to relate. In the make ready of such ordinary ties-up, a girl finds boys more accommodating and fun to be with. She discovers how her newly found boyfriend is nothing close to the danger zone her mum has made of guys. She begins to see the lies and/or exaggerations in her mum's rhetorics and takes other steps forward. Haven discovered faults in her mum's voice, the girl then runs to friends either male or female to ask questions meant for a mother. She falls in love with one charming guy in her class. Not trusting her mum's judgement(her mum must not even hear of her falling in love) she asks her new-found lover questions meant for her mum."How does it feel like to have sex?" "Is s*x really bad?" She feels some heat between her legs and discovers she's wet. Not trusting what her mum's ruling would be, she would still have to confide in her new-found guy. Believing what the guy has to say, "I will marry you," "I love you with all my heart," "I can die for you," and so many emotional convictions, the only thing stopping her from allowing the man acces to her pant is, "but my mum said s*x was a sin, and that it was bad." Trust the hot guy, he has the answer already, "if s*x is that bad and should be avoided, how did they come by you ? Seriously, I love you... and won't do anything to hurt you . If you love me too, allow me this once." What else do an ignorant and innocent doll face need to give in? She eats the fruit and knows what it tastes like. She now wants to enjoy it better,and wanting to blow her boy's mind in bed, she researches styles, practices, gets thumbs up, and becomes addicted.

On the other hand, girls who are fortunate to have less-unsparing mothers, who school them on love, sex, birth control etc grow up to be stronger, confident and informed. When they say 'no' they mean it. Some of them make virgins of themselves. What would a guy tell them about s*x that their mums have not told them? They are independent and worship their hymen. They dream of the right man and have their standard set. Don't mind them, they already know that men are friendly, fun to be with and caring. Mum had already told them how beautiful it is to fall in love. That men are not dangerous but could do anything to get under one's pant makes sense to them. When they are getting overwhelmed with sweet talks, romantic, erotic and lovey-dovey voices, they run home to ask questions, and, trust their mums, they would be schooled most affectionately.Even when they make mistakes, they cry and tell mum everything and she knows what to do. So, it's easier for them to get back on their feet and move on.

When I become a parent, I will tell my daughter(s), how falling in love is pretty. How it is possible to be in a relationship without giving in to sex. How beautiful Hanky panky is, when delayed till the wedding night.How s*x is meant only for the married. How risky it is to make love before working down the aisle.How she should feel free to introduce to me her boyfriend and how I'm always available to answer her questions on Love, s*x and relationship.

Ayeni Faith Damilola is a writer, public speaker and eulogist.
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Nice write up.