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UpGhana Forum / Jokes / ;-D ;-D ;-D ;-D Funny Short Jokes That Would Make You Laugh Hard ;-D ;-D ;-D ;-D (3 Posts | 1,335 Views)
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Check Out These Very Funny Jokes We Compiled For You (Get In Here)
The Ultimate Plan For My Ex â€“ This Will Make You Laugh
My Ex will think it is finally over between us, not knowing am waiting for their wedding day. That point were the pastor will say â€ If by law there is anyone in this gathering today that doesnâ€™t support the joining of this couple should standâ€. I will stand with confidence and walk majestically to sit in the front seat.
I wonâ€™t say anything. Its Just to shock them for the last time.
Men, have you ever been hurt so much by your side chick that you felt like telling your wife about it?
Best Fatherly Advice; Son, dating one loyal girl will make you a bigger boy than gathering 11 cheap sluts. One Cristiano Ronaldo is better than the entire Arsenal team.
Three classes of people you can never advise 1. Women in love 2. Men with money 3. Arsenal fans
LADIES, If you visit a guy & he takes your slippers inside, My Sister forget it, You are a Side Chick Donâ€™t wait for a pastor to tell you.
Here in Nigeria, every girl suffering from poor malnutrition call themselves models.
HOW WHITES DESCRIBE THEIR PLACE TO YOU:
My place is about 300 metres away from Elephant and Castle. Turn right at the round about and follow the A201 towards Old Kent Road and the first right is my street.The 3rd apartment is my place.
HOW NIGERIANS DESCRIBE THEIR PLACE:
If you get to Mbonu crescent, you will see one big gutter. Jump the gutter and corner leftâ€¦ Do as if youâ€™re going right but be cornering left small small. Be going down down until you see one place theyâ€™re selling Akara close to one Mama put in front of one Redeemed church, opposite where they used to throw away dustbin near one coconut and mango tree, you will see one crazy man sitting under the mango tree. Donâ€™t talk to him, he can stone you. Walk to the front and follow the small road in between the primary school and the Anglican Church till you reach the filling station then cross to the other side. Just stand there and call me or ask the woman selling cigarette to direct you to my place.
The Chase â€“ Dirty Looking Ayo
Dirty looking Ayo saw a girl and suddenly ran to her..! The girl seeing him thought he was a mad man running towards her. She took to her heels, and ran as fast as she could.
Ayo continue to pursued herâ€¦ The girl ran until she got tired. When she couldnâ€™t run any more, She stopped and as Ayo caught up with her, She Asked; Please sir, what do you want from me? Ayo replied: Nothing o! I just want to say You Are Beautiful..!
Hilarious Must Read! 23 Funny But True Fact â€“ All Will Make You Laugh
1) When a guy open a car door for a girl, itâ€™s either the girl is new or the car is new.
2) A guy asked you for s*x and you asked, â€œDo you Love me?â€. What do you expect him to say, or Are you a LEARNER?
3) Half naked girls are hot, while well dressed girls are beautiful. h3ll is hot, while heaven is beautiful. The choice is yours. 4) You have been engaged to him for four
(4) years and no wedding is forth coming. Please kindly remove the ring. Is your finger a ring holder?
5) You have slept with over ten (10) girls without protection yet you go to the barbers shop with your personal clipper you need Jesus!
6) Guys always know who their heart belongs to, so if you like cook chicken in diamond sauce or do monkey style in bed, if itâ€™s not you, it canâ€™t be you.
7) In America when a couple go to bed they will say â€œGood nights my loveâ€ In Britain, â€œSweet dreams darlingâ€ In Nigeria â€œDid you lock the gate, doors and windows?
8) You cannot say â€œI canâ€™t date you, I have a boyfriendâ€ and be asking for money from him. Gt-bank staff cannot receive salary from UBA bank!
9) My name is Aâ€™square, I used my friend to set up my girlfriend to see if sheâ€™ll cheat on me. Now theyâ€™ve sent me weeding Invitation. What am I? A) destiny helper B)God sent C) Fool
10) No Guy will ever tell a Lady â€œIâ€™ve a Girlfriendâ€ when asking her out. Their National Anthem is â€œWe had issues and weâ€™ve broken upâ€.
11) Welcome to Nigeria where the government is responsible and blamed for every d*mn things. if mosquito bite you, you will blame the government.
12) No guy is single, you either snatch him from someone or share him with someone, the most important thing is to be the highest Shareholder.
13) I woke up today, someone somewhere just took their last breath. Thank You God for blessing me more than I deserve.
14) Thirty-five (35) years old first class graduate without job and you are following Lilâ€™Wayne sing, I arenâ€™t got no worries, your life is on SOS.
15) Idiot girls said: â€œI dated him for GOOD ten (10) years and he broke my heartâ€ fool, whatâ€™s GOOD in the years?
16) a) s*x wonâ€™t make him love you. b) A baby wonâ€™t make him stay. If youâ€™re doubting me, kindly ask TUFACE!
17) No matter how nice you are to a goat, it will still eat your yam.
18) You make his â€˜Dickâ€™ hard, you carry him enter room, he then put off his shirt, then you shout â€œApril Foolâ€¦â€ My sister, he will RAPE your Destiny!
19) What shall it profit a girl to have all the Brazilian hairs in the whole world and still lose her boyfriend to a girl on low a cut?
20) Kill an American citizen and one (1) million policemen will be deployed to search for you but kill one (1) million Nigerians you will be invited for amnesty.
21) Donâ€™t act like you have it all, even rich men beg for pen in the bank.
22) No matter how big your house is? How recent your car is? Or how huge your bank account is? Our grave is still going be the same size, stay humble.
23) No matter how pretty or cute your face might be? You will still be the food for the worms. Set your arrogance aside and remember six (6) feet. No one lives for everâ€¦.
1.) Some girls are funnyâ€¦ They will leave hair in their armpits & shave their eyebrows. Biko, What kind of farming system is that ?
2.) The only warning Africans take seriously is Low battery. #TrueOrFalse?
3.) A Slay Queen At My Back During Lectures Today Shouted â€œWe Canâ€™t See Your Voice Sir, Please Be Loudable. Iâ€™m Still Waiting For My Turn To Faint Cause We Are Fainting According To Our Registration Number.
4.) I Have Been Fainting Since Yesterday When This Girl Told Me She Fell From A Bike And Broke Her Virginity.
5.) No one is more respectful than the person who wants to borrow money. He/She can even greet your dog. Like: Hello bingo, how was your night ?
6.) That Moment When Your Father Calls You â€œStupid Boyâ€ And You Mistakenly Reply â€œYou Nkorâ€ My Brother Jejely Pack To The Next Orphanage Near You.
7.) Your Pastor Has 6 Bodyguards And You Only Have His Sticker On Your Car To Protect You, I Have Nothing To Tell Youâ€¦ JUST GO.
8.) When you get married to a jealous husband. Husband: hello honey, were are u
Wife: Iâ€™m in the church
Husband: Give the phone to An Usher.
9.) Wife asked: What are u doing?
Husband: Am Killing mosquitoes?
Wife: How many did u kill?
Akpors: Total 5. Two females, 3 males.
Wife: How do u know their genders?
Akpors: 2 were near the mirror and 3 near the beer bottle.
10.) Some guys will intentionally not put chairs in their rooms so that when a lady comes to visit, she will have no other option than to sit on the bed. These are Minister of Strategic planning and Bedmatic Affairs.
11.) Why do banks connect ropes to their pens? We trust them with our money yet they canâ€™t trust us with common pen
12.) Who noticed? Lagos babes donâ€™t post pics again
The flood has carried their makeup kit
13.) All those Guyz making promises during s*x .
How will u be promising one lady two houses, one helicopter and three cars while youâ€™re owing Mama Akara five hundred naira??
14.) Hi Pals. I want to build a strong relationship, I have bought cement what else do I need?
15.) That Moment You Take Your Ugly Friend Along With You To Your Crush House. And She Was Like: â€œOh My God!!! You Guys Look Alikeâ€.
16.) Black people think violence fixes everything. You will find a person slapping a remote control simply because it is not working.
17.) When God Want To Play Your Video On Judgement Day, And It Shows: Viewer Discretion +18 Just Gently Walk To h3ll Fire Straight.
18.) That awkward moment you seated in church beside your crush and your kid brother came running with #10 note towards you and says: Brother, Mummy said I should give you for OFFERING.
19.) Anambra girls be like:
My name is Rinda.
My best food is flied lice and chicken.
I school in Rondon and am studying Raw
20.) Just Thinking About this, If I Propose To A Girl On My kneel And She Says No. Guys Na Uppercut Go Follow o
6.) An 85 year old man sucked his 80 year old wifeâ€™s bre*st and was found dead the following morning. Bloggers Report: Died of drinking expired milk. Best before 55 years ago.
5.) Itâ€™s only in Nigeria youâ€™ll see a conductor eating bread with Power horse. For Godâ€™s sake, it an energy drink, not Tea.
4.) I vomit 2 times today in the presence of my mom and she has been looking at me somehow, should I remind her that am not pregnant, that Iâ€™m a man.
3.) Itâ€™s only Nigerian Police that will tell you: â€œOga your plate number is LAGOS what are you doing in SOKOTO. You are Under Arrestâ€.
2.) I thought being a Nigerian was stressful till I met an Arab guy called Soq Madik. I just wonder how he will mention his name at job interviews.
Interviewer: Your name?
Guy: Soq Madik
Interviewer : Suck your what?
1.) Just wondering what Methuselah was doing on earth for 969years without an Android phone and power bankâ€¦ That man must be strong.
If you have attended over hundred weddings and you are still single, my brother/sister just know you are no longer different from a canopy..
That awkward moment when you have a Flu and you are with your crush having a great moment then she cracks a joke and all of a sudden your Nose decides to blow a Balloon.
You keep saying: What a man can do, a woman can do more better. But can a woman urinate & use the urine in writing â€œ8â€ on the floor?
7. One Ibadan girl was shouting â€œBanana, banana, i run and take you awayâ€ it was until i removed the ear piece from her phone that i realized she was singing â€œDiana o Diana o, i wanna take you awayâ€.
6. Relationship stress will make you decide to iron all your clothes and after you are through you realize you didnâ€™t put the switch â€œONâ€
5. Ugly girls will do whatever you tell them to do in a relationship until itâ€™s time for abortion. Donâ€™t even suggest it Broda.
4. Guys that carry condoms in their wallets, what exactly is your purpose in life So as you are walking on the road and hoping to see a girl and you will just climb her. Are you a fowl??
3. I bought an iPhone 7 online for 10,000 naira and the battery charged to 125% and it suddenly went off. It restarted and started displaying Samsung logo Who Did I Offend
2. Yesterday I Bought A Power Bank For N500â€¦And I Was Very Happy It Was Cheap Until My Phone Started Charging The Power Bank.
1. Proposing to a lady in her 30â€™s is not an engagement, itâ€™s a rescue mission. What Did I Call It ? A RESCUE MISSION
Hope you enjoyed them
NanaAma: Check Out These Very Funny Jokes We Compiled For You (Get In Here)
Very hilarious compilation
I'm cracked up with laff...
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